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Script

English DubEdit

Garterbelt: You both need to stop spending money on bullshit! You're angels, not hipsters. Hey, cock jockers! I'm not just talking to fuckin' hear myself! You spent over three million dollars! Fish-flavoured lube; titty-enhancer; toys that ain't sex toys; and who the fuck orders that much food?! You bitches eat so much you're gonna start sweating bacon grease!

Panty: Garter, if you're gonna act like a baby, you might as well crawl back up inside your giant vagina where you belong.

Garterbelt: You're the one acting irresponsible so you crawl into my vagina! You're gonna need somewhere to live. This church is falling apart and I can't afford anymore repairs.

Stocking: Whatever! We work our tits off killing ghosts so enough with the pretentious preaching, preacher-man. 

Garterbelt: You don't earn earthly money for killing ghosts, you get Heaven Coins; and when you take out the motherfucking city every time you take out a ghost, I have to pay for it with my earthly cash!

Panty: Jesus, chill the hell out, yo! Dude, you are being such a pussy about this, but if us earning money will get you to shut your douche face, okay.

Garterbelt: Did you say you were gonna earn money? [laughs] That's hilarious! You two earning money like you have a single skill between you anyone would pay for!

Stocking: We do too have skills, asshole. How much were you bitching about us spending again? What was it, three million dollars?

Panty: Hell, just give us three days!

Garterbelt: This would be tragic if it wasn't so fucking funny. Please tell me you're gonna put "sits on ass and farts all day" on your résumés, holy shit! Very well, then. I challenge you to earn three million dollars in only three days time. However, when you fail, you will swear Heaven's unbreakable oath that you will never waste money again, and you know what will happen if that oath is broken.

Panty: However, when we win, you fucker, you're not allowed to complain about our shopping habits again!

Garterbelt: You got a deal!

Panty: It's on now! Let's make an ass-ton of money!

Stocking: Any idea how we're supposed to make this money?

Panty: Meh, I just figured we take it from someone who looks double-loaded. You know, like rich and trim?

Brief: Um, I'm pretty sure that's against the law. Maybe you should just try finding a job. [gasps]

Panty: Yeah, we can do this shit with our fucking eyes closed! [chuckles]

Stocking: [hums]

Restaurant owner: [angry gibberish]

Car owner: Yeah...

Panty and Stocking: [mischievous chuckle]

Car owner: Huh? No!

Stocking: Ah...

Doctor: This is not sanitary!

Panty: Dude, working can fucking suck it.

Stocking: Can you believe people actually do this all day?

Panty: How much have we made so far? It's gotta be at least a million.

Brief: Uh, actually, you two kept getting fired so you haven't made anything yet.

Panty: Don't fuck with me! We're supposed to make three million so try again!

Brief: Three million dollars?

Stocking: Yeah, our goal is three million in three days.

Brief: Okay, well, then you'll need to average at least a million dollars per day, so there is no way in hell that's possible.

Bar patron: [laughs] I just made three million bucks in one day! I'm a cash pirate! [laughs]

Stocking: Hey there, daddy. You really made three million smackeroos in one day?

Bar patron: You better believe it, sexy bunny girlies. I'll even let you stroke it, if you'd like.

Stocking: So gorgeous!

Panty: Poopsie, would you mind telling us how exactly you got it?

Bar patron: Probably from you rubbin' my chest. Oh, you mean the money! I'm a gambler, I got it from a casino!

Panty: A casino, of course!

Stocking: Thank you.

Brief: Stop right there! It's too hard to make money at a casino. Nothing personal, but you gotta have a lot of skill and talent to make money as a gambler.

Panty: Yeah, nothing personal, but fuck off. Stocking and I have somewhere to be.

Stocking: We're getting in on the action, right?

Brief: Please, don't do it! You're gonna end up losing everything! I watched a thirteen hour documentary on casino slot machines and tricks of the trade. These things are designed to keep you from winning. You got three sevens on your first try?! [gasps]

Casino patron: Did you see that? These girls are incredible; and hot! I got dibs on the dark-haired one.

Brunette employee: Oh my. Sorry to alarm you. but apparently he was all played out.

Blond employee: Played out patrons aren't really patrons so we like to have them forcibly removed.

Stocking: Harsh.

Brunette employee: I doubt you'll have to worry about that, though. Hopefully you'll both continue to get lucky as the night goes on.

Blond employee: Perhaps you'd like to join us for a game of roulette in the VIP room where the stakes are higher and more private.

Stocking: So we can get even more?

Brunette employee: Definitely.

Blond employee: After you.

Kneesocks: Our collection of human money is progressing smoothly, sister.

Scanty: Yes, apparently. Just look at how considerably our little guy has grown.

Kneesocks: As long as he continues to gorge himself on that disgusting earthly currency, he'll reach his complete form which will trigger the largest financial meltdown in history, throwing the human world into chaos. I know you already know this but I like to hear it out loud.

Scanty: Perhaps that will give us a chance to redeem ourselves from what could very well be the worst debacle of our lives. Our darling little ghost plant taken out by that tawdry pair of angels.

Kneesocks: Their detestable images still flash in my mind, mocking me! Just like so with their vulgar personas and vacuous faces.

Scanty and Kneesocks: [gasp]

Kneesocks: What the devil are they doing in here?! Do you think they might be attempting to twart us?!

Scanty: Judging by that ludicrous expression, I would venture a "no." It's far more likely those obtuse twins are here to gamble.

Kneesocks: Then, by all means, we should take advantage of this opportunity to eradicate them!

Scanty: Collect yourself, Kneesocks. The last thing we want to do is give them a perfunctory death.

Kneesocks: Of course, what was I thinking? We must pay them triple the insult they so rudely handed us! 'Tis a Scanty and Kneesocks rule!

Scanty: [chuckles] I have a sublime thought. Since they're already in our midst, we might as well provide them with a genuine gambling experience.

Crowd: [cheering]

Blond employee: Amazing, Panty! Have you ever been complimented on your incredible skill set before?

Panty: Definitely.

Stocking: Hey, Panty, we're supposed to be making how much for Garter again? I totally forgot.

Panty: Oh, who gives a shit? Let's have some fuckin' fun!

Stocking: Ugh, goddammit. Why I thought you'd know is beyond me but I'm pretty sure we've already made our goal.

Panty: Awesome! Now shut your trap and roulette some shit, okay?

Stocking: What the whore said, sir. I'd like to roulette some shit.

Panty: That's the motherfucking spirit.

Kneesocks: Dealer change.

Stocking: Sugar bear, your face is really red. Are you maybe drunk?

Panty: Someone's got agent hot face.

Kneesocks: I do not. I simply blush easily, that's all.

Panty: Dude, no judgement here! Now let's play!

Kneesocks: Yes, let's. Place your bets, please.

Panty: Let's make this interesting.

Kneesocks: No more bets, thank you.

Panty and Stocking: [gasp]

Blond employee: Oh no. Well, no-one can win every time.

Panty: Good point! Let's roll again, hot face.

Kneesocks: No more bets, thank you. What a shame.

Panty: Hey, I'm just getting started!

Kneesocks: Place your bets, please. No more bets, thank you. Too bad. No more bets, thank you. Shame.

Stocking: When did the wheel turn into a cunt?!

Panty: Seriously, quit fucking around!

Scanty: [laughs] Bravo, Kneesocks! Bravo! Continue your insidious assault until those hackneyed angels are broke! Shame them into the depths of despair and then annihilate them!

Panty: Fuck...

Stocking: Holy fuck, we don't have any money left.

Scanty: Checkmate, harveys.

Stocking: [screams]

Panty: Aw, hell no! About time we use our fucking resources! Hey boys, one of you wants to buy this, don't you?

Crowd: I'll take it!

Scanty: My, what a pitiable display.

Crowd: Over here!

Panty: [grunts]

Crowd: [cheers]

Stocking: [grunts]

Crowd: [cheers]

Panty: Try this!

Stocking: And this!

Scanty: [yawns] How tediously long do they intend to keep up this charade? Huh? If they do continue to remove their clothing...

Kneesocks: They're going to wind up in the nude completely; and without a stitch they'll be without a weapon. This day keeps getting better and better.

Crowd: [cheers]

Panty: Enjoy this, fellas! [whimpers]

Crowd: [cheers]

Panty: Fuck! Lucky number seven, it's up to you!

Stocking: Please win, or we'll be naked!

Crowd: Take it off, take it off! Take it off, take it off! Take it off, take it off! Take it off, take it off!

Kneesocks: One more garment left. Once Panty removes her panties, they'll be helpless! Finally! The fated war betwixt angels and demons will come to an end! At the very least, these angels will perish!

Panty: [sneezes]

Stocking: Hey. Cover up, would you? You're so immodest.

Panty: Heh, I'm modestly freezing my ass off. [sniffs]

Kneesocks: [screams]

Stocking: We did it! Yay! [chuckles]

Panty: Fuck yeah! We're back, baby! Woo!

Crowd: Shit, no fair.

Kneesocks: [screams]

Panty: 'Kay? What the hell is that thing?

Stocking: I think it might be a ghost.

Panty: This day just gets better and better. Let's kill this motherfucker and earn some Heaven Coins too!

Crowd: [cheers]

Ghost: [screams]

Kneesocks: [squeaks]

Scanty: That was mortifying; absolutely wretched! Remove us from this hellish place.

Fastener: [yip]

Scanty and Kneesocks: Toodeloo, imbeciles!

Garterbelt: You stupid bitches! Tell me you are not responsible for this!

Panty: Hell yeah, we are. Dude, twisted fucks will pay anything for random shit.

Garterbelt: You idiots! Have you no shame?! Those are sacred weapons from Heaven!

Stocking: You should sell your skidmark business too. Three million.

Garterbelt: I can't take your filthy, dirty, coochy-covered cash!

Panty: Quit being a drama queen! That cash didn't come close to my snatch, you suck fuck!

Panty and Garterbelt: [growl]

Brief: What?! The price keeps going up! Twenty thousand more? I have to! I can't let anyone else have them! I've got to protect Panty or something like that.

Japanese TransliterationEdit

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